TOURNAMENT ANTHEM

CHILDREN
IN A WORLD OF CHANGING VALUES, SHIFTING VIEWS
WHERE ALL WE WIN - WE WIN TO LOSE
WHAT A JOY TO BE AROUND EVENTS LIKE THIS -
CONSTANT, CERTAIN, CALM, A WORLD OF ORDERED BLISS.
WE ARE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY, BLACK AND WHITE
THE GAME OUR ONE TRUE GUIDING LIGHT
SWEEPING THROUGH THE DARKEST CORNERS TO EXPRESS
COUNTRIES, CLASSES, CREEDS AS ONE IN LOVE OF CHESS.

(Tournament area is revealed as observers and U.S./U.S.S.R. delegates assemble. Also hotel staff, the Arbiter and his assistants.)


U.S. v U.S.S.R.

OBSERVERS
NO ONE CAN DENY THESE ARE ENCOURAGING TIMES
THESE ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENCOURAGING TIMES

(Florence and Molokov approach each other warily.)

MOLOKOV
Miss Vassy -

FLORENCE
Mr. Molokov -

DELEGATES
IT'S THE US VERSUS USSR
YET WE MORE OR LESS ARE -

OBSERVERS
NO ONE CAN DENY THESE ARE ENCOURAGING TIMES

DELEGATES
- TO OUR CREDIT PUTTING ALL THAT ASIDE
WE HAVE SWALLOWED OUR PRIDE

OBSERVERS
THESE ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENCOURAGING TIMES

MOLOKOV
IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHO COMES OUT ON TOP

DELEGATES
WHO GETS THE CHOP

MOLOKOV
THOUGH IT COULD MEAN FOREIGN TRAVEL HAS TO STOP

DELEGATES
BUT WE'RE GONNA SMASH THEIR BASTARD!
MAKE HIM WANNA CHANGE HIS NAME
TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS AND DEVASTATE HIM
WIPE HIM OUT HUMILIATE HIM
WE DON'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD SAYING
THEY CAN'T EVEN WIN A GAME
WE HAVE NEVER RECKONED
ON COMING SECOND
THERE'S NO USE IN LOSING.

(The Arbiter enters and takes questions and objections from both sides)

DELEGATES
IT'S THE RED FLAG UP AGAINST STARS AND STRIPES
BUT WE'RE PEACE-LOVING TYPES

OBSERVERS
NO ONE CAN DENY THESE ARE ENCOURAGING TIMES

WALTER
IT'S A SWEET HAIL-FELLOW-WELL-MET AFFAIR
FOR BOTH EAGLE AND BEAR.

OBSERVERS
THESE ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENCOURAGING TIMES.

MOLOKOV
TO THOSE WHO SAY THAT THIS IS NOT A FRIENDLY CLASH

DELEGATES
DON'T BE SO RASH!

MOLOKOV
I ASSURE YOU COMRADES THAT IS BALDERDASH

AMERICANS
WHAT A LOAD OF WHINGEING PEASANTS!
THINKING THEY CAN WIN - THEY CAN'T!
WHAT AN EXHIBITION OF SELF-DELUSION
THIS ONE'S A FOREGONE CONCLUSION
WE DON'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD SAYING
THEY CAN'T EVEN WIN A GAME
WE HAVE NEVER RECKONED
ON COMING SECOND
THERE'S NO USE IN LOSING

WALTER/MOLOKOV
HOW GOOD TO FEEL THAT AS THIS GREAT EVENT BEGINS
IT UNDERPINS
OUR QUEST FOR PEACE, THE BONDS OF COMMON INTEREST
OF EAST AND WEST

AMERICANS
AS LONG AS OUR MAN WINS.

RUSSIANS
AS LONG AS OUR MAN -

ALL
--WINS!!

The champions enter and shake hands warily before the Arbiter lays down the law with:


THE ARBITER'S SONG

ARBITER I'VE A DUTY AS THE REFEREE
AT THE START OF THE MATCH
ON BEHALF OF ALL OUR SPONSORS
I MUST WELCOME YOU
WHICH I DO - THERE'S A CATCH.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A CHAMPION
NO ONE MESSES WITH ME
I AM RUTHLESS IN UPHOLDING
WHAT I KNOW IS RIGHT
BLACK OR WHITE - AS YOU'LL SEE

ARBITER DELEGATES/OBSERVERS I'M ON THE CASE HEíS ON THE CASE CAN'T BE FOOLED CANíT BE FOOLED ANY OBJECTION ANY OBJECTION IS OVERRULED IS OVERRULED YES HE'S THE ARBITER AND HE KNOWS BEST HE'S IMPARTIAL DON'T PUSH HIM HE'S UNIMPRESSED ARBITER YOU GOT YOUR TRICKS? GOOD FOR YOU! BUT THERE'S NO GAMBIT I DON'T SEE THROUGH ARBITER DELEGATES/OBSERVERS (spoken) HE'S THE ARBITER I know the score HE KNOWS THE SCORE From square one FROM SQUARE ONE Iíll be watching all - 64! HE'LL BE WATCHING ALL - 64! ARBITER (to players) IF YOU'RE THINKING OF THE KIND OF THING THAT WE'VE SEEN IN THE PAST CHANTING GURUS, WALKIE-TALKIES, WALKOUTS, HYPNOTISTS, TEMPERS, FISTS - NOT SO FAST (then to Walter and Molokov) THIS IS NOT THE START OF WORLD WAR THREE NO POLITICAL PLOYS I THINK BOTH YOUR CONSTITUTIONS ARE TERRIFIC SO NOW YOU KNOW - BE GOOD BOYS ARBITER DELEGATES/OBSERVERS I'M ON THE CASE HEíS ON THE CASE CAN'T BE FOOLED CANíT BE FOOLED ANY OBJECTION ANY OBJECTION IS OVERRULED IS OVERRULED HE'S THE ARBITER AND HE KNOWS BEST HE'S IMPARTIAL DON'T PUSH HIM HE'S UNIMPRESSED ARBITER YOU GOT YOUR TRICKS? GOOD FOR YOU! BUT THERE'S NO GAMBIT I DON'T SEE THROUGH ARBITER DELEGATES/OBSERVERS OH I'M THE ARBITER HEíS THE ARBITER I KNOW THE SCORE HE KNOWS THE SCORE FROM SQUARE ONE FROM SQUARE ONE I'LL BE WATCHING ALL - HEíLL BE WATCHING ALL



ARBITER/DELEGATES/OBSERVERS
- SIXTY-FOUR!

(Freddie and Anatoly are now in position. The Arbiter stars the clock for play to begin. However, the focus shifts from the players as Walter ushers on a party of Merchandisers and sponsorsí logo-emblazoned banners unfurl from above)


Walter and the Merchandisers

MERCHANDISERS SONG

MERCHANDISERS
WHETHER YOU ARE PRO OR ANTI
OR COULD NOT CARE LESS
WE ARE HERE TO TELL YOU
WE ARE HERE TO SELL YOU CHESS
NOT A CHANCE OF YOU ESCAPING FROM OUR WILES
WE'VE LOCKED THE DOORS, WE'VE BLOCKED THE AISLES
WE'VE A FRANCHISE WORTH EXPLOITING
AND WE WILL - YES WE WILL!
WHEN IT COMES TO MERCHANDISING
WE COULD KILL.

(We leave this high-kicking distraction briefly to rejoin the game of chess just as Anatoly resigns. The Arbiter gives a match update.)

ARBITER
Mr. Trumper has won the first game. Mr. Sergievsky will play white in the second game, starting tomorrow.

Walter and the Merchandisers

MERCHANDISERS
WE'VE DONE ALL OUR MARKET RESEARCH
AND OUR FINDINGS SHOW
THAT THIS GAME OF CHESS COULD BE AROUND
A MONTH OR SO
MAYBE IT'S A BIT CONFUSING
FOR A GAME
BUT RUBIK'S CUBES WERE MUCH THE SAME
IN THE END THE WHOLE WORLD BOUGHT ONE
- SIGHT UNSEEN
WE WILL DO THE SAME WITH BISHOP
ROOK AND QUEEN.

ARBITER (This time Freddie is handing the Arbiter an envelope)
The second game is ajourned. Play will resume with Mr. Trumper's sealed move tomorrow.

MERCHANDISERS
WHEN YOU GET UP -
WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING
TILL YOU GO TO BED
YOU WILL FIND OUR FRIENDLY MESSAGE
ROLLING 'ROUND YOUR HEAD.
CLEAN YOUR TEETH WITH CHEQUERED TOOTHPASTE
WEAR OUR VESTS
OUR KINGS AND QUEENS ON BOUNCING BREASTS
YOU COULD EVEN BUY A SET
AND LEARN TO PLAY
WE DON'T MIND WE'LL SELL YOU SOMETHING ANYWAY!

WE'LL SELL YOU SOMETHING ANYWAY!