THE SOVIET MACHINE

In the Health Centre, a cheerful Alexander Molokov finds the Russian contingent down in spirit, taking refuge in vodka, massage and exercise equipment. Molokov attempts to convince the Soviet team that all is not yet lost.

MOLOKOV
Comrades! Why are you looking so glum? (they really are). We have had a small public relations problem. But we can use the madness of the traitor Sergivesky to our advantage! If they want to play games other than chess, then we will be in our element (he downs a short vodka and begins to explain.

JUST IN CASE YOU FEEL A TRACE
OF DOUBT OR EVEN NERVOUS TENSION
LET ME DRAW THE LATEST SCORE
TO YOUR ATTENTION.

NOT THE SCORE THE WITLESS CORPS
OF COMMENTATORS ARE DEBATING
COME, ADMIT -- WHO GIVES A SHIT
FOR THE ELO RATING?

NO, I PREFER AND I'M SURE YOU CONCUR
TO SEE WHO'S AHEAD PSYCHOLOGICALLY
FOR EXAMPLE:
WE HAVE A PLUS
THAT'S EXCLUSIVE TO US
WHATEVER TAKES PLACE
WE WILL NOT HAVE LOST FACE.

(No enthusiastic response. Molokov talks.)

Don't you understand? Listen!! (the cronies jump) - Gameplay One: Anatoly Sergievsky returns to the board to finish the match but he doesn't feel too good!

IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO CONCENTRATE IF
YOU HAVE LEFT YOUR NATIVE
COUNTRY FOR A WOMAN AND A CULTURE UNKNOWN
IT'S NOT EASY FOR A CHAP TO EXCEL
FEELING GUILTY AS HELL
HAVING LEFT HIS WIFE TO FACE THE MUSIC ALONE.

I DO NOT SEE HOW ANYONE IN SUCH A STATE
COULD OPERATE
THE SAD AND SORDID ENDING TO
A GREAT CAREER IS VERY NEAR
AND WE SHALL SAY AS SHE LEADS HIM AWAY
TO LIFE IN HER ARMS TO OBSCURITY!

(The Cronies have perked up)

CRONIES
TELL US, COMRADE -

MOLOKOV
THAT THIS SIMPLY PROVES
THAT WHEN HE MADE THE MOVES,
WON THE APPLAUSE -

CRONIES
WE WERE THE CAUSE!

MOLOKOV & CRONIES
BIT BY BIT THE PIECES FIT
THE SOVIET MACHINE ADVANCES
NOT ONE MOVE THAT WON'T IMPROVE
OUR NATION'S CHANCES.

WE PREDICT A STUNNING VICTORY
BOTH ON THE BOARD AND OFF IT
WE WILL SHOW THE TRAITOR NO ONE
RATS WITH PROFIT.

YES, WE'RE GONNA SMASH THAT BASTARD
MAKE HIM WANNA CHANGE HIS NAME
TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS AND DEVASTATE HIM
WIPE HIM OUT, HUMILIATE HIM
WE DON'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD SAYING
THEY CAN'T EVEN WIN A GAME
WE HAVE NEVER RECKONED ON COMING SECOND
THERE'S NO USE IN LOSING.

MOLOKOV
So Anatoly loses...we win.

CRONY
What if he wins?

MOLOKOV
I am very disappointed in you, my friend. Anatoly wins, we win! Is, of course, beyond shadow of possibility that he could win, but...Gameplay Two: Anatoly Sergievsky returns to the board to finish the match and he feels great!

(There is a sudden shriek of pain. Molokov has inadvertently injured a crony.)

MOLOKOV
Sorry! (Song resumes)
IN MY NIGHTMARES I CAN NOT IMAGINE
IN FACT, I'D TURN MY BADGE IN
IF THAT TURNCOAT EVER WON A CHESS MATCH AGAIN
INCONCEIVABLE - BUT SAY - GOD FORBID
THAT HE ACTUALLY DID
WE CAN SAY HIS TRIUMPH NOW IS WHAT HE LEARNED THEN

IT'S LUDICROUS FOR ANY PUNDIT TO SUGGEST
THAT IN THE WEST
HIS GENIUS WAS SOMEHOW NURTURED OVERNIGHT
THE LITTLE SHITE! (nearly exploding)
NO! IT'S AS PLAIN AS THE LENINGRAD RAIN
THAT HIS FORMATIVE YEARS
PUT HIM WHERE HE IS

CRONIES (really happy now)
TELL US, COMRADE -

MOLOKOV
THIS SIMPLY PROVES THAT WHEN HE MADE THE MOVES
WON THE APPLAUSE --

CRONIES
WE WERE THE CAUSE.

MOLOKOV/CRONIES
BIT BY BIT THE PIECES FIT
THE SOVIET MACHINE ADVANCES
NOT ONE MOVE THAT WON'T IMPROVE
OUR NATION'S CHANCES.

WE PREDICT A STUNNING VICTORY
BOTH ON THE BOARD AND OFF IT
WE WILL SHOW THE TRAITOR NO ONE
RATS WITH PROFIT.

(Molokov moves into sober reverie as traditional cossack dancing follows from the more inebriated and high-spirited team members.)

MOLOKOV (interrupting)
There is one other gameplay - (pause: Cronies all ears again) - Gameplay Three: Anatoly Sergievsky does not turn up to finish the match at all. This could be the best news of all for us, comrades -

MOLOKOV
I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU
AND SAY WITH HAND ON
HEART THAT HE'LL ABANDON
SOMETHING AS IMPORTANT
AS THE MATCH OF HIS LIFE
BUT HE MANAGED FOR HIS OWN SELFISH ENDS
TO ABANDON HIS FRIENDS
TEACHERS, MENTORS, PARTNERS, COLLEAGUES, COMRADES -
(almost as an afterthought) AND WIFE!

I WONDER WHY I FEEL REMORSE WILL OVERCOME
OUR FORMER CHUM?
I WONDER IF YOU SEE WHAT I AM DRIVING AT?
OUR BRAVE EX-PAT
MIGHT LOSE HIS ZEST FOR LIFE IN THE WEST...

And this would be a greater coup for us than if he had never left us in the first place, comrades! The return of the prodigal!

CRONIES
BIT BY BIT THE PIECES FIT
THE SOVIET MACHINE ADVANCES
NOT ONE MOVE THAT WON'T IMPROVE
OUR NATION'S CHANCES.

WE PREDICT A STUNNING VICTORY
BOTH ON THE BOARD AND OFF IT
WE WILL SHOW THE TRAITOR NO ONE
RATS WITH PROFIT.

(They are by now more drunk and relaxed and in conclusion, sing the boastful and sentimental:)

FROM MOSCOW TO THE BERING STRAITS
CITIZENS WILL HAIL OUR VICTORY
IN ARCTIC CIRCLES FROZEN STATES
WILL JOIN WITH WARMER CLIMES IN REVELRY

CRONY
AND I CAN SAY OF THIS AFFAIR
I WAS THERE, DID MY SHARE, PLAYED MY PART

CRONIES
AND RUSSIANS ALL WILL BE AWARE
I WAS THERE, FROM THE START --

MMM - MMM
AAAA - AAH.

(As the Soviet team retreat in blissful oblivion, Molokov makes a phone call. Only he and a Waiter remain.)

MOLOKOV (into phone)
Mr. de Courcey. Good news. We are going to be able to help each other...yes, heartwarming international cooperation. I have the proof that Florence Vassy's father is alive.... Incontestible documentation straight from Prague.... Amazing how much easier information is to come by these days. Anywhere in East Europe -
(testily)
We have nothing to do with Albania. Walter...Walter! Do you want to be able to stage a great human rights victory...? Good. All we want is a return to the status quo...of course, Anatoly will come home...it's on its way to you now....
(He hands the waiter a package)
My contribution to glasnost....really, Walter, so cynical...! I will await your call.