THE ARBITER'S SONG

ARBITER
I've a duty as the referee
At the start of the match
On behalf of all our sponsors
I must welcome you
Which I do - there's a catch

I don't care if you're a champion
No-one messes with me
I am ruthless in upholding
What I know is right
Black or white - as you'll see

I'm on the case
Can't be fooled
Any objection
Is overruled
Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best

CHORUS (of Arbiter acolytes)
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed

ARBITER
You got your tricks
Good for you
But there's no gambit
I don't see through
Oh I'm the Arbiter, I know the score

ARBITER + CHORUS
From square one I'll/he'll be watching all 64

ARBITER
If you're thinking of the kind of thing
That we've seen in the past
Chanting gurus, walkie-talkies,
Walkouts, hypnotists,
Tempers, fists - not so fast

This is not the start of World War Three
No political ploys
I think both your constitutions are terrific so
Now you know, be good boys

I'm on the case
Can't be fooled
Any objection
Is overruled
Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best

CHORUS
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed.

ARBITER
You got your tricks
Good for you
But there's no gambit
I don't see through
Oh I'm the Arbiter, I know the score

ARBITER + CHORUS
From square one I'll be watching all 64

ARBITER
I'm on the case - can't be fooled!
You've got your tricks - good for you!

I'm on the case
Can't be fooled
Any objection
Is overruled

Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best

CHORUS
He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed

ARBITER
You got your tricks
Good for you
But there's no gambit
I don't see through
Oh I'm the Arbiter, I know the score

ARBITER + CHORUS
From square one I'll be watching all 64

ARBITER
Oh I'm the Arbiter, I know the score

ARBITER + CHORUS
From square one I'll be watching all 64

HYMN TO CHESS

ARBITER
But now let us dedicate ourselves to the spirit of chess!

ARBITER + ALL
Don't you find it rather touching to behold
The game that came in from the cold
Seen for what it is - religion plus finesse
Countries, classes, creeds as one, in
Love of chess

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