Tim Whittemore's How To Tell You Are Obsessed With EVITA

You may be obsessed with EVITA if...

1. You've ever reassured a friend with the words, 'Don't cry for me...'
2. You ever find yourself looking in the mirror and posing with arms aloft á la Perón.
3. You've ever traveled to Buenos Aires just so you can say you've seen the Río de la Plata, La Calle Florida, La Avenida Corrientes and La Avenida 9 de Julio.
4. You've ever started a sentence with 'I believe Paloma's version was far more exciting than Rocio's....'
5. On days you feel down, you can play Patti LuPone's 'Buenos Aires' and pick yourself up rather quickly.
6. You ever feel the need to be Christian Diored, Machivelled or Lauren Bacalled...
7. You actually feel bad for Magaldi at the end of 'Eva Beware of the City.'
8. You have translated the Latin and Spanish lyrics in the show.
9. You ever wondered what Evita in Hungarian sounds like.
10. You KNOW what Evita in Hungarian sounds like because you own the Hungarian Cast Album (along with the Brazilian, Czech and Korean versions...)
11. You've actually got in a fist fight with someone because they thought Antonio Banderas was better than Mandy Patinkin.
12. You watched Life Goes On because Patti LuPone occasionally sang in it.
13. 'Dressed up to the nines at sixes and sevens with you' makes perfect sense to you.
14. You think everyone from Argentina sounds like Bob Gunton.
15. You were very excited that a movie version was made of the show but you were devastated that neither Ms. LuPone or Ms. Paige were in it.
16. You bought the CDs of Anything Goes,
The Bakers Wife or Sunset Boulevard just because Patti was on them.
17. You wonder if the Mistress ever finds a nice man....
18. You understand why there was an insecticide plot in the Concept Album.
19. You wonder why there have been productions in Vienna, Pretoria, Istanbul, Adelaide, Tel Aviv and Osaka and yet there has never been one in Buenos Aires.
20. Your friends, relatives and/or significant others have said on more than one occasion, "How many times can you listen to 'Buenos Aires' in one day?! And you know the answer is 288 in a 24-hour period.
21. You not only know what a shooting stick is, you OWN one.
22. You find yourself humming "And the Money Kept Rolling In" every time you go to the bank.
23. You actually OWN the movie playing in 'A Cinema in a Buenos Aires.'
24. You search eBay daily for new Evita collectibles.
25. You own a forties-style microphone.
26. Your wedding dress was white with silver sequins and was strapless.
27. Every time you hear the words 'bitch' or 'slut' on television you immediately respond with the words, 'Dangerous Jade!'
28. You are quick to list the historical inaccuracies in the show.
29. You wonder why 'Buenos Aires,' a song about Argentina's capital city, is often played with a Brazilian samba beat.
30. You can sing all the words to 'Wein Nicht Um Mich, Argentinien,' 'No Llores Por Mí, Argentina' and 'Huil Niet Om Mij, Argentina' yet you don't speak German, Spanish or Dutch.
31. You know what happened on 17 October 1945.
32. You've ever tried to hit the high notes in 'And the Money Kept Rolling In' as you sing along with Mandy.
33. You could actually sing the entire show for someone if you were asked to.
34. You worship the ground Harold Prince walks on.
35. You are asked 'What are you talking about?' and you methodically reply, 'She really brightened up your out-of-town engagement...'
36. You can't decide if Akiko or Reiko has the best Japanese version of the show.
37. You've given Footlight Records or Dress Circle more than $45 of your money to buy a rare Evita CD.
38. You convinced your high school drama department to do a production of the show.
39. Your regular daily greeting to colleagues is, 'What's new Buenos Aires?'
40. You are obsessed with the show and haven't actually ever SEEN it.
41. You think Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber are the only British songwriters of importance.
42. You chant 'Perón! Perón!' every time you see a balcony.
43. You regularly use the abbreviations, DCFMA, BA, RH, HFA and ANA to represent songs from the show.
44. You just HAVE to have the 'Rainbow High' costume!
45. You wish you could kick your legs as high as the men in 'Buenos Aires.'
46. You wonder how hard it is to walk in cavalry boots.
47. You break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend just so you can sing 'Oh, but it's sad when a love affair dies...'
48. Your personalized car license plate is a shortened version of the word 'DESCAMISADO.'
49. You are the President of the local chapter of the Peronist Party.
50. You wrote a master's thesis/doctoral dissertation/term paper about the show and/or Eva.

© Tim Whittemore 22 June 2001

© 2001